12/1/2006

I’ve been struggling with crippling despair since election results , I was hoping for sort of a miracle , but finally I gave up . So, no more political discussions! , not interested any more in who killed who, or who is going where , or what is cooking in the kitchen .
My mates have noticed this metamorphosis and are trying mischievously to resuscitate me.
- I say, did you see “ what’s his name” yesterday? , did you hear what he said , he went on like he was the only Iraqi on earth ... “Winking at one another saying that trying to lure me into a discussion”.
- Not interested ( I reply gloomily )
- May they all rot in hell ( I reply on another occasion aggressively)
- May they all catch Bird’s Flue as far as I am concerned ( I reply on another occasion maliciously ) .
One old man in my office is observing the disturbing changes in my attitude with delight , cause we always used to have these heated debates , which usually ended with us frowning at each other and not talking for the rest of the day , and me ultimately offering him a chocolate bar as a reconciliation bribe.
He has been hovering round me like a vulture , trying to contain himself and repress his joy seeing my sulky eyes . Then, before the Eid, he spilt it all out , and he seized the first opportunity to stab me with the words I dreaded to hear most : I TOLD YOU !
I kept my eyes on the book I’ve been reading since the day after elections ( The Art of Happiness) , a selection of interviews with the Dalai Lama , I am reading it as a form of remedy.
He carried on;
- I told you didn’t I ? . but you.. oh no you wouldn’t listen, you said the seculars will win , there simply cannot be a religious autocracy in Iraq . Aye , aye , I told you dear , they need a Saddam , and if there weren’t a Saddam they would’ve invented one sooner or later .
I wanted to say: you have lost faith in people completely, and you do not believe in resurrection , but I bit my tongue instead.
He said with sparks of victory dancing in his eyes :
- History child , history , who killed Imam Al Hussein ? We did . Who killed his holy father before him ? We did …. “ Oh God here we go again “ - I thought grinding my teeth- … Who dragged the Royal family in the streets of Baghdad? We did - I joined him in a choir this time- …. Who killed Abdul Kareem Qasim ? We did. Who killed abdul Majeed Al Khoui ? We did .
He went on with his monologue : With iron and fire this nation should be ruled . Al Hajaj and Saddam were the only ones who managed to rule Iraq successfully … at that point I switched off and the broadcast was cut , and when that happens I usually start imagining things . Instead of the cute chubby red face of my old co worker, I saw a candle illuminated face with terrified eyes and a finger pointing at me, forebodingly shouting : You are all dooooooooooomed , Iraq is doomed , run for cover you jerks.
I shook my head and went back to the page I was reading :The Dalai Lama looked at me from the pages saying amicably : “no success , no wealth , no mate can grant you happiness .Happiness is there inside you , it has to come from Within … you have to look inside your soul” . I’ve been trying , but what I saw inside me freaked me out , it was so scary, that I’d rather not do that Again .